The Reach Around

Guest · Tue Jan 31, 06 3:03 am **The Reach Around**

AAAhhhhh yes. The reach around. I didn't want to hi-jack the "congrats bammer" thread, but thought this was a story of drunken debauchery gone awry that you would like to hear about. Keep the pics comin Bam! Thank you SB for reminding me of this most heinous incident after my Monday Night out with the boys. Yes, I are drunk, and I are drunk posting. Much better than drunk driving and certainly safer than drunk dialing. It is the latter that will really get you into trouble. Anyways, back to my story. It was back in my college days when this most taboo act took place. Most of you have heard of a 21 run. You know, on your 21st b-day you go out and have 21 drinks or shots usually provided by your friends. Most people start puking violently and get kicked out of their choice of holes before they hit 12 drinks, but swear the next day that they got, "alll the waaaaay to tweny dwinks". So right about now you are probably wondering were I went to college. Since this story involves male on male reach around, you can probably guess that I went to the U of O. (That ones for you kataku.) The frat that I was living in had two bedrooms connected by a common bathroom. Each room had two active members living in it with one pledge. The Pledge slept on a sleeping porch, but kept his belongings in the room with the two active members. Since this particular 21 run took place on the weekend, the two active members allowed the pledge to sleep in the room instead of on the sleeping porch. So, the birthday boy and his roomate make their way back to their room after a night out and notice that the pledge is sleeping. The two upperclassmen stumble into the room and wake the pledge with taunts of how bitchin it was to be out at the bars, and how lame he was for sleeping away a weekend night. At this point it is important to note that the b-day boy had just recieved a new computer from his parents, (as a b-day present) and had meticuously taken it out of its box earlier in the day and placed it in the corner. The two upperclassmen who are "totally darkside" slip into their beds. The pledge watches skeptically from his top bunk as his roomates fall onto their beds fully clothed and "pass out". It is not 30 minutes later when the pledge is startled awake by a boistrous, drunken shadow in the dark room who mutters something no one could understand. "IIIIIIImmmmmmdddddeeeeerrrrrr Diiiiiirkled daaaaanglinnnn", said the untrialed gentleman. "What the firk", thinks the pledge as the drunken silhouette (sp) drops trou, whips it out, and aims at the new computer like its an american standard. Alright, most of you are thinking, "who cares, he's not the first to cast a line where it was not wanted." WRONG. And let me tell you, THIS is what is so appalling. The pledge jumps out of bed, REACHES AROUND THE DRUNKARD, AND PINCHES IT OFF. When I say it, I mean IT!!!! The pledge walks him at least seven steps, (translation, at least 5 seconds of hand to weinerschnitzel contact) to the bathroom so he could finish his golden shower in the appropriate place. The poor b-day boy, who as far as I am concerned is a victim, knows nothing of this untill the next morning. The whole incident is summed up best by the other upperclassmen who at breakfast says, " dude, I would rather pay for a new computer than see one of my brehs holding another brehs weinerschnitzel."

After reading this over and over it doesn't seem near as funny as when it happened. Believe me, this is a true story. The actual university shall remain nameless to protect the innocent, but believe me, If I could reveal the guilty without divulging the innocent, I would.

I notice that I haven't logged in so...

say what its good for, good for funkin around... crucifunkin

kitechica · Since 15 Jan 2006 8 Posts Kook

Another reason to avoid fraternities.

pkh · Since 27 Feb 2005 6548 Posts Couve / Hood Site Lackey

Blasphemy! How dare the drunken stranger use Dirk Dangler's name in vein! Wink

I'm with kitechica, who would want to sleep around a bunch of drunken horny dudes every night... this kind of thing seems inevitable.